After 5 years, Jon and I have decided to go our separate ways.
*sigh*
We've been talking about making a decision about where our relationship is going by the end of this year. This whole time, I've thought I was ready to get married... to him.... and in my heart, I think it would have worked. But, the more we talked last night, the more we realized that we were both compromising what we wanted. And that compromising was leading to resentment and disappointment. We both have had wants and needs that have gone unmet... and ultimately, we have different destinations in mind. Or maybe we have the same destinations in mind but have different ideas about when they should happen.
It's just so sad.... I've never had a break up like this. Every other break up has been one sided or because I was mad or angry. This is so different. I genuinely care for this person and love him. I don't know where all that love is supposed to go. This just sucks.... we just sat up last night... crying.... talking... and eating ice cream. Our friendship lies so deep... that is going to be a hard thing to maintain... I don't know if we can maintain it.
So, apartment hunting I go... it's going to be a difficult transition because we work together and live together. *ugh* Hopefully I can find a place soon. There are a bunch of "for rent" signs in our area. I picked up the numbers to call today. I really don't want to leave that area... it's very nice and very convenient to work.... however, it's kind of expensive for a one bedroom.
Ok, must stay focused on work. Will definitely write more later when I feel a little better. Good thoughts appreciated....
Posted by Jenny at December 9, 2003 08:09 AM