Merry Christmas to all of my friends. The past 5 years, I've spend Christmas Eve with Jon and his family in church. I always felt a little awkward being Jewish and being in church but had fun watching Jon's parents sing in the choir. And, when you are in a relationship, you support your partner's traditions full heartedly. This year, last night, my friend Nick came over.... we had a few drinks and ordered pizza... and watched Anastasia on TV and then watched an episode of Office that he had on DVD. It was a very different Christmas eve.
Today, I'm sitting on my bed, here in my new apartment... coffee brewing, tv on with cartoons playing, listening to my friend Dena's music, and hearing the rain fall outside. Again, very different from the last five years. For the last five years, I woke up at Jon's parent's house.... smelled a fire burning in the living room... and Jon's dad would be taking orders for big ole egg scrambles with everything you could imagine in it. Yum. We'd all sit there in our PJ's and chow down.
I miss that.
I miss them.
*sigh*
Later, I'm going to make my way down to Long Beach... in the rain. My brother Jon and his wife, Laura, are having a dinner that I've been invited to. It should be fun. Hopefully this rain will stop... it's kind of depressing.
Last night was my second night I spent in my new apartment. I didn't sleep well at all. I woke up around 2 AM and was just wide awake. I turned on the tv and watched random shit for about an hour and then fall back asleep. I guess my mind was too full. My Dad came over last night with his power tools to fix a bunch of stuff and secure all of my cabinets and bookshelves so that during the next earthquake they won't fall down.... on top of me! We went out to sushi too. Yum.
Sunday night I slept great because I was soooo exhausted from the move. I basically made my bed, set up the bathroom stuff, and found clothes for Monday in various boxes and then went to sleep. I slept like a baby.... except for the fact that I set my alarm clock wrong so it didn't go off. Thank goodness my body clock woke me up at 6:00.
Moving was such a pain in the ass. I took a couple of loads over myself Saturday morning and then my friend Erin (best friend from 1st grade, seriously), came over to help me for the afternoon. We took about 4-5 loads of stuff up. I esentially moved all of my kitchen crap, bathroom crap, and clothes over on Saturday.
On Sunday, I met my brother Jon at my Mom's house at 10 AM to pick up the couch. It was funny.... my Dad said he'd meet us over there to help with the couch, and I was like, oh no Dad, I can get it! Well, I barely was able to lift it. For some reason, I guess I thought I was stronger than I was. Or, I was just really sore from moving the day before. Yeah, let's go with that... that sounds a lot better!
So, Jon and I eventually moved the couch into the truck and headed over to my Dad's for a quick bagel. From there, we headed to the new place to get the couch and the fridge upstairs.
Here begins the saga of the fridge.
I took this new place because I really liked it. The crappy part was that it didn't come with a fridge. I asked around work if anyone knew of a free fridge somewhere or one I could buy (cheaply) from someone. My boss said he had an extra one in the garage that was "in great shape and only a few months old" that I could have. SCORE! He gave me the measurements, I went to the apartment and measured, and all was supposed to be good.
Charley, my downstairs neighbor at my old place, has a truck and said he would help me with the fridge. On a drizzling day, we drove over to Bill's to pick it up. Drizzling... first bad sign.
When we got there, I was shown the fridge and was told that it worked. From the outside, it looked great. When I opened it, I was totally disgusted. It was stinky and dirty and nasty. He left a bag of tomatoes and frozen canned orange juice in it and left it for the last 4 months, unplugged, in the garage. Second bad sign.
No problem he says as he rolls the fridge out into the what was drizzle and had now turned into rain. So, in the rain, we are hosing out the fridge and comet/bleaching all the nastiness away. It took almost an hour to get the fridge semi-ok. It still had a bunch of rust stains inside and still stank... and we ended up throwing out some of the plastic pieces that were just too gross to clean.
Finally, we loaded the fridge into the truck... in the rain... and drove over to the new apartment. I called some buddies to meet us over at the new place to help get the fridge up the stairs.... in the rain. There were 5 of us there with a fridge dolly to lug this heffer up the 16 stairs.
We couldn't do it.
It was too slippery in the rain. We'd probably kill someone. This would be the third bad sign.
Luckily, my residential manager let me keep the fridge in his garage until the next weekend when my Dad and brother Jon would be there to help.
Fridge saga - second weekend
After we moved the couch up (succesfully), we got the dolly and the fridge and attempted to get it up the stairs for the second time. This time, I had brother Jon, Dad, Charley, and Nick. It was a BITCH to move but we finally got it up into the apartment.
However, it didn't fit in the kitchen. Fourth bad sign. I measured correctly except the walls weren't completely straight. We actually got a few inches in and then it got stuck. Yah... I wasn't too happy by this point. We had to all pull it out of the hole and move it out of the kitchen. This wasn't the easiest thing to do with a fridge weighing 1000 pounds.
It'll look fine here in the dining room my Dad said.
I wasn't having it one bit. When you are overwhelmed with your life, breaking up with your boyfriend, moving into a place by yourself, and having a hard time, you just need things to work or fit. So, this not working or fitting was tearing me up.
No, Dad. It looks horrible there. I hate it. But, whatever... I'm letting go of this... I'm releasing it to the universe... let's keep moving shit.
We plugged the fridge in and left it in that horrible space in the dining room while we unloaded the rest of the crap that was in my car and then headed back to the old place to pick up more.
Four hours later, after three more loads in the truck and my Rav4, we were finally done... and completely exhausted and starving. Everything else fit in the apartment although there were boxes everywhere. No room to hardly walk. It was really quiet... when Jon said How come it doesn't sound like the fridge is on?
The fifth and final bad sign of the fridge.
The light was on but nobody was home. The fan wasn't working.... the compressor wasn't working. The fucking huge ass fridge that took two attempts to get up the damn stairs and didn't even fit, wasn't working! I was so done at that point.
No problem! I'll go to Best Buy, buy a new fridge, have it delivered, and make them take this piece of shit away. Problem solved! I'll get a new fridge that actually fits in the space it is supposed to, doesn't smell, and works! SWEET!
I took them both out for pizza and beer to thank them for their incredible help and to celebrate this new chapter. The beer and food never tasted so good. From there, my Dad went with me to Best Buy to find a fridge. Man, it was so busy there... totally insane. Eventually, we both found a place to park, found a great Whirlpool fridge, got financing with 12 months of no interest, and free delivery for tomorrow! AND, for $15 extra, they are going to take the beast away! YAY! So, I'm looking forward to getting my new fridge tomorrow and having food in the house. It's been weird not having cold water to drink.
This now ends the saga of the heffer fridge. Lesson learned... I will know after one bad sign next time.
Been listening to Wicked, the musical. It is soooo amazing. This song seems so appropriate right now:
For Good
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn and we are led
to those who help us most to grow if we let them
and we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true but I know I'm who I am today
because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun.
Like a stream that meets a bolder half way through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
because i knew you,
I have been changed for good.
It well may be that we may never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say before we part
so much of me is made of what I learned from you
you'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.
Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood.
Who can say if i've been changed for the better
but because i knew you,
because i knew you,
I have been changed for good.
And just to clear the air i ask forgiveness
for the things i've done you blamed me for.
bBt then I guess theres blame to share
and none of it seems to matter anymore.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better.
I do believe I have been changed for the better.
And because i knew you,
because i knew you,
because i knew you,
I have been changed for good.
*sigh*
You never realize how much crap you have until you have to move! I've been going through all of my stuff... and actually throwing a lot of crap out. Tomorrow, my friend Erin is helping me move boxes and clothes. And then on Sunday, my dad and brother Jon are coming up to help move the big stuff. Sunday night should be my first night in the new place.
This week has been really hard. My stomach is not happy with things. It's kind of going through the same trauma as the last time Jon and I broke up. However, this time, I'm trying to keep eating. Last time, I just stopped eating since everything I ate didn't sit very well. Not good. I'm trying to be smarter this time.
Still feeling kind of numb.
What I've accomplished this week:
1. Succesfully finished jury duty for the year! I had to serve three days of total boredom while they started to select the jury and then ended up settling.
2. Found an apartment I like, put the deposit and first month's rent down, got the keys, and started moving stuff in.
3. Turned on the gas and electricity at the new place.
4. Changed my address online and made sure the address for my magazines got changed.
5. Had my performance review and got a nice raise!
6. Found a fridgerator, cleaned it out, and moved it to a neighbor's garage at the new place. It was raining so we couldn't get it up the stairs safely. Will try again this weekend.
7. Went shopping with mom for apartment stuff (towels, bath mat, shelf lining, etc.)
8. Survivied the company holiday party without breaking down or getting too drunk.
9. Have continued going to the gym and taking my dance classes even though I've had NO energy.
10. Did a good job at remaining positive about this life change and about moving.
I thought I'd finally reached the end of the week without having to do jury duty. I made the phone call last night to the automated service and low and behold.... "you have been scheduled for jury service... please report at 8:30 AM tomorrow morning". Son of a bitch!
Not the best timing, to say the least.
Not only did I have to stay ALL day, but I was transfered from the El Monte court house to the Alhambra court house and then to the East Los Angeles court house. Seriously. At 4:00 PM, they called us in to let us know that the selection process was not going to take place at that time.... no... we all have to come back Monday. *ARGHHHH*
The week from hell continues.
The good news is I found an apartment I like. Not only did I find it, but I got it! I met with the woman tonight after my day from hell... and she liked me right away. She said she won't do the credit check if I can fax her the last two months of my pay stubs. No big deal... I was sure I'd be able to find them. She said I can give the deposit this weekend and pick up the keys to slowly start moving my stuff in. I don't have to pay for half of December... just a week and a half. So, that is cool... I really like this place. It's just like 10 blocks down the street if that. I'm glad I'm not moving too far out of this neighborhood. I definitely like the area and like being close to work.
That was a huge relief. Now, I get to think about what I need to buy and how cute I can fix it up. *smile*
I'm going to have to work a bit from home tomorrow because being out of the office for a day or two totally puts me behind. Plus, my Q1 action plan for 2004 is due on Monday. I was planning on doing it today at work but my civic obligation called. Hopefully I won't get picked for the jury on Monday. My fingers are definitely crossed on that one.
Tonight, surprise... I can't sleep and have had thee worst headache all frickin day.
Tomorrow, company holiday party. YAY! (said with a sarcastic tone)
When the going gets tough, go get a massage! I have one scheduled in an hour and a half (thanks Dad for the birthday present that keeps on giving!). I think I'm going to get out of here soon, go home, put on some sweat pants, and go see Victoria.... the best massage therapist ever! Those are my plans.
Still apartment hunting... still hurting... still coping... nothing new there.
This seriously has been an awful week. Let me recap:
1. Jon and I break up (SUCKS)
2. Mice in the house and running through the walls (SO SUCKS)
We caught three already in the kitchen cabinet. I was awake almost all last night because it sounded like one was under the floor boards and was eating its way through the carpet. I was all wigged out.
3. Jury duty this week (WHAT THE SHIT?)
I have had to call the automated system every night to see if I have to report the next day. So far so good.... but there is still tomorrow. Fingers staying crossed.
4. Can't sleep (MAJORLY SUCKS)
If I could just sleep through the night, I wouldn't have a headache all day and would have more energy. Not only do the mice wake me up, but we have pigeons feeding their babies that are in a nest right outside the window. Great huh? So, they are chirping and cooing all morning after 4:00. There is a homeless cat that meows outside the window as well. We bought some super soaker water guns to spray the pigeons and the cat... that helps a bit. And, they are doing construction right across the street. They aren't supposed to be there before 7:00 AM... but somehow I hear them around 6:00 AM. I've called the city numerous times. I think it is useless.
5. My boss scheduled a lunch meeting with me today (SCARY)
Even though I'm going through a lot of shit, I'm remaining professional and getting my work done... so, no worries there. I think he just wants to discuss my progress, etc. Still, it's added pressure.
I guess that's all to bitch about... I'm sure there is more, but nothing I should post. Looking forward to the weekend.
Last night was exactly what I needed. I got to Tali's and she had a big ole assortment of food.... tomato soup (total comfort food), pasta salads, regular salads, and chocolate! She is such a good friend.
Today, more apartment hunting... and breathing deeply.
Going over to Tali's tonight for some hugs. Don't worry, Mom and Dad... I'm eating.... and hanging in there!
After 5 years, Jon and I have decided to go our separate ways.
*sigh*
We've been talking about making a decision about where our relationship is going by the end of this year. This whole time, I've thought I was ready to get married... to him.... and in my heart, I think it would have worked. But, the more we talked last night, the more we realized that we were both compromising what we wanted. And that compromising was leading to resentment and disappointment. We both have had wants and needs that have gone unmet... and ultimately, we have different destinations in mind. Or maybe we have the same destinations in mind but have different ideas about when they should happen.
It's just so sad.... I've never had a break up like this. Every other break up has been one sided or because I was mad or angry. This is so different. I genuinely care for this person and love him. I don't know where all that love is supposed to go. This just sucks.... we just sat up last night... crying.... talking... and eating ice cream. Our friendship lies so deep... that is going to be a hard thing to maintain... I don't know if we can maintain it.
So, apartment hunting I go... it's going to be a difficult transition because we work together and live together. *ugh* Hopefully I can find a place soon. There are a bunch of "for rent" signs in our area. I picked up the numbers to call today. I really don't want to leave that area... it's very nice and very convenient to work.... however, it's kind of expensive for a one bedroom.
Ok, must stay focused on work. Will definitely write more later when I feel a little better. Good thoughts appreciated....
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year over at my brother, Jon's house. Boy, did I eat.... and drink. The food was amazing, the company was awesome, and there was no stress involved! Hallelujah. It was just what the doctor ordered.
Friday, I hit the gym in the morning... definitely needed to work off some of that turkey. The weekend basically consisted of eating, drinking, and sleeping.. not necessarily in that order. Saturday, we saw a matine of The Cat in the Hat. Totally disappointing.... I thought the costumes and sets were amazing.. but other than that, the script sucked... and I thought Mike Myers was doing the same shtick that he did in Austin Powers. Lame. I was pretty bored.
Saturday night, I got to hang out with my friend David Baida who was in town from NY. Woo- did we drink. We all got pretty sloppy... Sunday was spent recooping.
Last night, I took my AfroLatino Groove class. Joey, the instructor said he is working on putting together a show... and definitely sees me in it.. so that is exciting. I'm taking his jazz class tomorrow night at another studio. He wants to see me dance a different style... fun stuff.
Just been busy.... will try to update more frequently.... back to work I go.
Tonight, drinks with Tali! YAY!