Illustration of Derek Powazek by Adam Ellis

Hey, Look

Inspired by Simon Rich’s recent Shouts & Murmurs and Heather’s response, here’s what I imagined the people around me were saying when I was…

Six:
“He’s missing a front tooth!”
“He must be very active.”
“I bet he’ll grow up to be a mountain ranger … or an army man.”

Ten:
“Is he wearing a Star Wars shirt?”
“He must have collected a lot of box tops.”
“I admire his dedication.”

Thirteen, at a school dance in a white linen suit:
“That guy looks like Don Johnson.”
“He must be good with the ladies.”

Sixteen:
“Dude, that guy has an earring. In his left ear.”
“Does that mean he’s cool … or gay?”
“Cool.”
“Oh, cool.”

Seventeen, driving a beat up ’68 VW Bug into the high school lot where just about every other car is a BMW:
“What’s that sound?”
“It’s that junky car over there.”
“Is it blasting Pink Floyd?”
“Yeah.”
“That guy must be quite the iconoclast.”
“Yeah, I feel bad for being a conformist.”
“We should get jobs.”


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Hi, I’m Derek. I used to make websites. Now I grow flowers and know things. I’m mostly harmless. More.