I’m finding the holidays a more complicated situation as I get older. The fact is, I consider myself atheist/agnostic/apathetic. Christmas for me isn’t about celebrating Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s just about the ritual of giving and receiving gifts.

Having a number of Jewish friends, though, I’m always left confused. Do I say Happy Hanukkah? Or is it Chanukah? I’m never quite sure. Instead, I fall back on the trusty and non-offensive “Happy Holidays” to avoid any awkwardness.

And what about Kwanzaa? Is this a popular thing to celebrate? I don’t know anybody who does. It’s not really a religious thing but does seem to get thrown into the mix.

Egg nog, anyone?

Posted by Jonathan Snook on 23 December 2008 @ 12am

Hilarious post Derek. You’re spot on regarding the holiday season, but I’ve always wondered if a country exists where the majority rule isn’t exclusive and abhorrent to the minority (religious, ethnic, etc) population? Granted, Christians go WAY overboard this time of year, what with their surreal blend of Jesus, Santa Claus, plastic decorations, and other weirdness… but what’s the remedy?

To quote Eddie Izzard “In England we celebrate Christmas because we’re devout believers in Chris”

May Chris bless you.

Posted by Ryan Brunsvold on 23 December 2008 @ 1am

next year i will send you new years card, sorry for any offense caused. i do like you dark version of christmass you should make it into a movie with a really dark ending i’d watch it

Posted by lomokev on 23 December 2008 @ 1am

Hey Kev – no worries, we loved your card – thanks! This is not about friends sending lovely heartfelt cards. This is just about the epic flood of Christmas crap coming form all directions this season leading to a blow-up post like this. It’s my Very Special Holiday Tradition.

Posted by Derek Powazek on 23 December 2008 @ 2am

I’m an athiest, I don’t think any of my family are really religious in any way. We get together at Christmas for a meal and a family catch-up which is nice – religion doesn’t come in to it really for us.

Having said that, I do look forward to escaping it all and getting lost in the great outdoors shortly afterwards and as soon as possible! :)

It’s a relief when the cities lose that pre-Christmas tension afterwards. It seems rather than enjoying the time of the year, people are stressed out instead.

I’d also like to see a film of the Dark Christmas :)

Posted by publicenergy on 23 December 2008 @ 2am

Amen, brother.

Posted by Tiberivs on 23 December 2008 @ 3am

Nice kid. Daddy issues. Founded a religion.

The best and most succint definition of Christianity ever.
As someone raised Christian, can I add the following –
“Worshippers fixated on his death. Lesson that nice kid wanted to teach became ignored and obscured.”

As I get older what bothers me most about Christmas is the insane capitalist, consumerist binge that society is expected to engage in.

Posted by tomcosgrave on 23 December 2008 @ 5am

I like this Satanic holiday much more. It’s like an un-tacky Halloween.

That’s ridiculous that they trot you out every year to explain yourself. They probably weren’t very sympathetic to your plight.

Posted by Jack on 23 December 2008 @ 5am

For a few years in High School I tried patiently to explain to my Jewish friends (which were most of my friends) that it was very odd of them to put up a tree and exchange presents on December 25th. Then they tried to convince me that Christmas had nothing to do with Christianity. This was never resolved.

At this point, I’m really just in it for the yule log, sparkly lights and egg nog. Religious carols are getting more on my nerves every year. Especially the one where I get to hear American Christians singing, “Born is the King of Israel.” This from a people who violently opposed living under a King.

Posted by Bryan on 23 December 2008 @ 6am

Christmas may have its roots in religion, but that really is NOT what it is about today. Take the argument you presented against the pagan viewpoint and apply it again to the Christian one. It’s equally valid.

Christmas, for the vast majority, is a time where it’s nice to give some gifts to people you like, and/or dote upon your children. The idea that it’s only the Christians that wake up Christmas morning and get presents from Santa or exchange gifts is absurd. The idea that all the people who join in actually go to church on Christmas morning (or any other morning) is absurd.

You can easily view it as a modern way of celebrating the good things in life. We don’t “do” community get-togethers like we used to a few centuries ago. There are no big community gatherings. This is the result.

More cynically, it’s a dirty great corporate exercise in revenue generation.

However you want to slice-n-dice it; there’s really very little religion in “Christmas” any more. It’s irrelevant.

Posted by Matt Wilcox on 23 December 2008 @ 6am

Nice kid. Daddy issues. Founded a religion. Ideas distorted. Used as an excuse. His torture glorified.

As an atheist, I struggle during the holidays at the sheer insanity and hypocrisy of the season. Although I find the idea of satan as ludicrous as god, I do find the imagery you present a nice balance to the sickly sweet, plastic sparkly horror that is xmas.

Posted by Dave on 23 December 2008 @ 6am

I’m a Hindu. And though I am no expert on the matter, Christmas is totally secular. Santa Claus? Trees? Toys? It’s a totally made up holiday. That’s not to say it isn’t annoying, but there are other things to get worked up about besides people being smug and fighting while shopping.

As for proselytization, I don’t know anyone who has decided to become a Christian because they love tinsel and mistletoe. Christians could learn a thing or two from the Church of Latter Day Saints.

Also, Its a Wonderful Life is the greatest movie ever.

Happy New Year!

Posted by ramanan on 23 December 2008 @ 6am

I say head to Israel next year. It is an amazing if you can get there about a week before Dec. 25 and get back to the states a few days after. Basically skipping over the most intense portions of isolating consumerism. There is nearly no mention of Christmas there and you aren’t relegated to chinese food.

Posted by Jay on 23 December 2008 @ 6am

> there are other things to get worked up about
> besides people being smug and fighting while shopping.

The great thing about being annoyed is that it’s not a zero-sum sort of thing. I can be annoyed by being a Jew on Xmas and still have annoyance left over for bad drivers and my bank’s terrible web interface.

As a non-shopper, I get more fed up with the hypercapitalism (in these tough times!) than the “aww, lets all stand outside in the snow singing songs” aspect but yeah, it’s not my holiday. I’m sorry they made it a national hoiday in the US but that doesn’t make it secular, it makes it even more frustrating, imo. Actually I’m pretty placid this time of year because I just pretend I’m in some weird RPG gone terribly wrong.

Happy jelly donuts and crappy chocolate coins Derek., thanks for the post.

Posted by jessamyn on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

One year, before my mom and dad got divorced, they showed up at my house with presents. My dad was very proud of himself because HIS presents had been professionally wrapped at the store. My gift was wrapped in blue paper covered with little menorahs and a star of David was hanging from the bow. My mother was offended and asked him why on earth he would choose that. His answer was that it was the most beautiful of the choices and he wanted to make me happy. I can’t remember what the gift in the box was, but that star of David hangs on my tree every year and is one of my favorite ornaments. It makes me feel special because I know it was given with love.

Happy Holidays!

Posted by kristyk on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

Remind me to plaigiarize this, change “Jew” to “free-thinking atheist” and forward it to my entire family, most of my friends, and a few of my neighbors.

It’s particularly awkward when much of your family is Christian (or pretends to be) and you live in the Bible Belt (where “What church do you go to?” is sometimes used as a pick up line).

The visuals in this post made me guffaw, though. Thank you.

Posted by tiffany on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

If you would like a soundtrack for your “Hail Satan”s, I heartily recommend the track “The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton” by the Mountain Goats. (I’d recommend it for other reasons, too, if you don’t know it already.)

Posted by Scott Rosenberg on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

Add this one to your list: “It’s the economic driver that keeps a huge number of US retailers from going out of business” — so when you’re anti-Christmas, you’re also un-American. The least you can do is spend some gelt on your humbugism. Print up some anti-Xmas flyers. Make a big ol’ batch of Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirts. KEEP THE ECONOMY ALIVE, for li’l baby Jebus’s sake! Also, be thankful you’re birthday doesn’t fall on Christmas. That would suck.

Posted by harold on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

I swear every Jewish person I know has a rant like this that gets pulled out (and refined) every year, although this is more creative than most.

My wife is an agnostic, I’m an atheist. We still celebrate Christmas, though, mainly because of the chance to visit friends and family, and to do stupid things with long strings of electric lights. (In a sense we’re just embracing the ridiculousness of it all.) We’d gladly celebrate a nonreligious late or mid-December holiday, but haven’t yet found a good replacement. In the meantime, we’re going to continue celebrating Christmas, and do everything we can to keep Christ out of it.

Posted by Mark on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

having now moved back to the states, it is funny and strange to be re-immersed in “christmas culture.”

i don’t watch television, i don’t have cable, i don’t listen to commercial radio, and i don’t go to downtown san francisco during my twice a month stays up north. i have to say that this limits my exposure to the oversaturation of “christmas” commercialism to a remarkably low and manageable level.

it’s great because, outside of taking the time to send a few letters and purchase a few gifts, i hardly notice that it’s christmas.

yes, i am aware that we are in the holiday season, but it doesn’t bother me. especially down here, in los angeles, the way that enthusiasm for the holidays is publicly expressed is quite amusing compared to what we have in my home town of copenhagen.

on the other hand, when strangers wish me “merry christmas,” though most of them, in fact, have trained themselves to say “happy holidays,” i see this as an opportunity for people to actually express a little conviviality to each other, which is certainly not a bad thing.

so, when someone says “merry christmas” to a non-christian – and non-christians are a significant chunk of the san francisco population – rather than taking this as an affront, could it not be seen as an effort to reach out? not for the sake of conversion, but only for the sake of fellowship? is this such a bad thing, even to someone who wants nothing to do with christmas?

finally, there is a bright side to this – christmas day (a bit like the day of the superbowl) is a great day for roaming around the city of san francisco (or los angeles or new york) because you have the city more or less to yourself. for once, many shops are finally closed, there is a semblance of peace in the city. one can walk unhindered in the fresh air.

Posted by christian svanes kolding on 23 December 2008 @ 7am

That we in the US or Canada have to put up with traditionally Christian holidays as our National holidays probably has more to do with inertia than our governments lame attempts at proselytization. I think in Canada, politically, Easter and Christmas are both secular holidays. That they aren’t called something else probably has more to do with fears of Conservative voters freaking about minorities acting up and trying to destroy Christmas than anything else.

I wish people “Merry Christmas”, not because I believe in Christ, but because I’ve co-opted a Christian holiday forced upon me. John Lennon said, “War is Over! (If you want it.)” So I will say “Christmas isn’t Christian (If you want it.)” Christians can tell you Christmas is all about the birth of Christ, but I think everyone knows they are just lying to themselves at this point.

Anyway, I live in Toronto. I am probably spared from the excesses of the holiday you experience in the US. And you definitely have my sympathy for that!

Posted by ramanan on 23 December 2008 @ 8am

Silly Derek, Jews don’t believe in Satan.

Posted by David Wertheimer on 23 December 2008 @ 9am

I guess fall into the not Jewish but Atheist category of your readers. This is exactly how I feel about the Christmas decorations that got barfed all over my office this month.

Posted by Stephanie on 23 December 2008 @ 10am

I’ve always thought it’d be nice to simply have a national or international gift giving day, to be celebrated in the middle of the year when traveling isn’t impeded by inclement weather.

Commercializing religion has always seemed so wrong to me. This year, because I’m more poor than usual, I’ve not done any holy-day shopping, thus have avoided all stores, save the grocery. And, for over a week, I’ve been too sick to go anywhere. Coincidentally, I’ve been snowed in for that same time period, so even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go shopping. Can you say BLISS?

When I was growing up, I had several Jewish friends. I was always envious of their Hanukkah celebrations. Such a fascinating and meaning-filled ritual. Too bad so few folks know the story behind it. Beats the heck out of a fat guy in a fuzzy red leisure suit.

Posted by Coyote on 23 December 2008 @ 11am

Funny post, but don’t perpetuate the holiday suicide myth. Suicide rate is higher in the spring than the winter.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040105-000026.html

http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=120

Posted by Len on 23 December 2008 @ 11am

i feel left out when jewish people celebrate yom kippur.

Posted by denise on 23 December 2008 @ 12pm

Len: Excellent comment. Thank you for that. I’ll update the post.

Denise: Terrible comment, unless you live in Israel.

Posted by Derek Powazek on 23 December 2008 @ 12pm

No child should ever be made to feel alien. Clearly what your teacher(s) did was wrong. If they were trying to be “inclusive” in their singling you out, they were boneheads. I’m sorry that happened to you.

But I have to say as an atheist (raised Christian) who loves to celebrate xmas, I don’t think that wishing others a merry xmas has to be a mean or hurtful thing. Personally, I tend to wish folks a “happy new year”, as I don’t like to assume that everybody celebrates xmas. But I would hope that if someone does wish you “merry xmas”, that the intended sentiment is just to spread good cheer.

My boyfriend is Jewish and (from what I can tell) had a childhood experience that was similar to yours. We have an xmas tree and a menorah. We don’t do easter (because while I love a good piece of chocolate, I find the whole rise again from the dead thing a bit too much to swallow), we do join his family for Passover Seder.

I feel very lucky to be a part of both traditions. I feel very enriched by my (admittedly, not always easy) relationship with his parents and his faith. For me, I’ve found that there’s a lot of benefit to being an equal opportunity celebrator!

Posted by Jennifer on 23 December 2008 @ 12pm

I’m always horribly depressed this time of year, starting with the first decorations in October. Full of dread.

I’ve always been a bit envious of the Jewish tradition because the focus seems to be on taking time out and reconnecting instead of buying bigger things every year and throwing yourself into the tsunami of holiday madness. Growing up, my best friend was Jewish and always envied the craziness at my house. But now that we’re older, I envy her for the personal meaning this holiday has for her, as they quietly get together and pass the tradition on.

We haven’t had any familial obligations for years – my parents cut us all loose about 10 years ago since most of my older siblings have kids and live across the country. My spouse and I don’t usually give each other gifts because we do that year-round anyway. And though I consider myself a spiritual person, I’m not a religious person. So we try to find an empty Chinese restaurant, enjoy a few quiet days, and be glad we’re not out there in the midst of travel madness.

Posted by JJ on 23 December 2008 @ 3pm

In Post:
“Distant family members, old friends, and your coworkers send you cards that say “Hail Satan” and “Praise the Dark Lord” and “Wishing You A Grisly Death in the New Year.”

Comment:
“next year i will send you new years card, sorry for any offense caused.”

Comment Reply:
“Hey Kev – no worries, we loved your card – thanks! This is not about friends sending lovely heartfelt cards.”

Wait… what? There’s some disconnect there. Or maybe you’re just being polite?

Posted by Jeremy Ricketts on 23 December 2008 @ 3pm

Jeremy: That’s the thing. It’s not any one card, it’s all of it combined. This rant is not about my friends, it’s about the wider world. Anyway, like I said, I have issues.

Posted by Derek Powazek on 23 December 2008 @ 4pm

I belong to a Christian Church that does not celebrate x-mas. We believe in God, Jesus but don’t celelbrate religious holiday. The funny thing is that every year I go through the same thing you go through when I say that I don’t celelbrate x-mas even though I am Christian. I don’t go to the x-mas parties and don’t participate of gifts with coworkers and I am questioned as if I was a criminal. I am used to it by now but what I don’t understant and makes me laugh is when people tell me that I am not Christian if I don’t celebrate x-mas (as if God wanted people to kill themselves at the mall for gifts).

Posted by fabricio on 23 December 2008 @ 4pm

I haven’t read the comments. I decided to write a post about it all….hope the quality of my writing is up to your standards :D

Happy Merry Chrismachanukwanzaa, Derek

Posted by ro on 23 December 2008 @ 6pm

I grew up as an Orthodox Jew — at one point I even contemplated becoming Chabad Lubavitch, so I get what you’re saying probably more than most. Being overwhelmed by a holiday that I had nothing to do with, except that when I was a kid it wasn’t nearly as bad as it is now. I haven’t really believed in Judaism wholeheartedly since I was 16 and my Mom died — because when she died everyone kept telling me “it was for the best…” (she had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and battled it for 11 years). Yesterday would have been her 81st birthday, so when you talk about depression, I get that too: this time of year is sad for me, and the holiday season (no matter how hard I try to fight it) makes the missing of my loved ones (including my Dad, who died in 1995 and my sister Deb who died two years later), well, in a word: overwhelming.

All of that grief turned me into somewhat of a searcher — I had to make sense of what was happening to everyone I loved and had to break through the depression that was crippling me. I have no problem with people believing differently than I do. What do I believe? After *a lot* of studying, I have come to believe that Christ was who he said he was — it’s impossible for me to deny that the New Testament is the fulfillment of the Old. With respect to this holiday, I believe Christ himself — the person this is all supposed to be for — wouldn’t have wanted all this insanity (and let’s face it, people trampled to death to save a couple hundred dollars at Walmart; folks going into horrid credit card debt; thousands depressed because of “the holidays” for one reason or another is, in a word: insanity, you can’t deny that, no matter how much else there might be in this holiday, those 3 things are pretty significant).

When I think about what Christ would have wanted (if anything, I’m guessing he probably would not have wanted the hoopla at all), he most certainly wouldn’t have wanted people to feel the way you have come to feel. Absolutely not. I think he would want us to spend time with our families or loved ones not just on “December 25th” but all throughout the year. He would not want us to go into debt to give each other gifts (or God forbid get trampled to death to save a few bucks doing so). A gift (to me, anyway), is much more meaningful when someone gives it to me on a random day “Just because” with genuine thought behind it — and, well, with respect to the decorations, ahhh, I’ll leave that one be, I think you get my point.

With all of our technological advances, how far have we come really? When I was a kid if you had a headache and went to the store, you had Bayer or Bufferin. Now? They have entire aisles of pain relievers! We suffer from option paralysis and media overload — we’re bombarded six ways from Sunday with respect to everything. I think Christmas just comes packaged more shiny and brightly than the rest of the year and it’s no wonder that by the time we get to December some of us have just had enough. Thank you for saying “when”. I’m right there with ya.

Posted by myla on 23 December 2008 @ 7pm

@Derek. I totally get that. I was brought up in a very religious household and was very involved in my church right up to about half way through college. There are still lots of times where I feel like my family is putting undue pressure on me to act a certain way and to say certain things.

For example, my friend Mark is in critical condition right now in the hospital after a horrible accident. He probably will not make it. It’s been hard these past couple weeks to interact with my friends who are mostly devout Christians. I feel like because I’m not praying with them, I am not supporting his wife, his son, and our friends. But I can’t do it. We’ve set up a website for Mark (http://prayforthelamberths.com) and when I read the comments, I feel like I can’t post without saying “praying for a miracle!” I don’t believe there is a God who has a master plan anything.

Everyone committed to fasting last Friday, and I did join them in that. I did it for support of his family and to cause myself to be reminded of Mark and his battle for life.

So, what I’m saying is, I don’t think you have issues- there are lots of quiet battles that we have with ourselves, our family, our friends, our communities, and society at large. There are most certainly times when we need to push against what the majority is doing. And sometimes, we need to outright stand up against others.

So maybe, we all have issues.

Here’s what I want to say: most people, I feel, are not celebrating Christmas as a deeply religious holiday. Even if they pray over the turkey dinner and say “Merry Christmas” to one another… I just don’t think that the vast majority of people have a deep, action-guiding faith in Jesus of Nazareth. We are ceremonious creatures and we delight in organizing and taking part in rituals- it just so happens that history had a way of mixing things up in a way that gave us this absurd somewhat absurd holiday where we cut down trees, light them up, and drag them into our living rooms. All the consumerism goes without saying (the one thing Christians and non-Christians can agree upon). So, to your deeper point, these other things (the decorations… the Christmas stories… the songs) mean less to people than I think we might assume. I really do believe that they are features of ceremony and ritual.

Since we live in the US, and since it’s December, we’re all saying Merry Christmas to each other. Once January rolls around, we’ll be switching to “Happy New Year”, and then back to the year-round standards like “Good to see you” and “Take care”.

Posted by Jeremy Ricketts on 23 December 2008 @ 8pm

I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and every year had to go out and give religious literature to people who were celebrating Christmas. Talk about proselytism. Anyway, the religious literature always pointed out, quite rightly, that Christmas was co-opted from a pagan holiday when Constantine wanted the masses to covert, blah blah blah, it actually had nothing to do with Christ, the eponymous nature of the holiday notwithstanding. You know all this already, but:

“Guess what. We’re not pagans. It hardly matters where it’s from. It matters what it means today.”

What does matter is that humans constantly co-opt traditions, make them over, and remake them over again. For many people who celebrate it, Christmas has nothing to do with Christ, and there’s a gap between what (some) people mean when they say “merry Christmas” and what you feel when you hear it. Sure, be annoyed, rant even — but understand that the gap is there, and there’s no way for you to really know what they’re assuming about you.

Anyway, I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness anymore, nor a Christian, but I love the lights, the decorations, the little rituals that different families make for themselves. Corny, I know. But celebrating Christmas, for me, is also an act of rebellion against the fundamentalist brand of Christianity in which I was raised.

In any case, I hope the season passes quickly and painlessly for you.

Posted by wayne on 23 December 2008 @ 9pm

Chag Sameach Derek! Thank you for putting so eloquently into words what has been frustrating me year after year after year. Growing up Jewish in a very Christian oriented society has been at best annoying and at worst, lonely during the holiday season.

Christmas to me was always nothing on TV, Chinese food (Kosher of course) and a movie, as it was for many of us. A tradition unto itself, I suppose, but one outside the norm for little kids who just wanted to fit in.

Posted by HRLori on 24 December 2008 @ 9am

I’m an orthodox jew, grew up in America and now live in Israel. I actually really miss winter in America, mainly for the snow but also because,honestly, I like Christmas time. Pretty lights reflecting off snow, cute sappy movies on tv, cheerful music, etc. Since I wasn’t in public school I never had to explain chanuka to anyone, and I don’t really know many non Jews so there aren’t really any people sending me cards or wishing me merry Christmas. I don’t really bother to think about what the holiday means, I just view it from a purely outside aesthetic perspective and its pretty!!! is that so bad?

Posted by G on 24 December 2008 @ 9pm

Well put.
Hmmm…you know, I wonder if it all of this that made it so easy for me (observant Jew, born and raised in the US) to pick up and move to Israel. America never really felt like MY country. A great country, yes, and one that always treated me well, but not mine.

Something to ponder.

Posted by ilan on 24 December 2008 @ 11pm

I am one of the few people who have been on both sides. I was raised as a non-Jew in the US, and later converted to Judaism.
When I was a non-Jew I thought that their holiday was all about love, and that whoever didn’t believe was loosing out.
After becoming a believing Jew, I got a lot of weird reactions. In the hospital I worked at, I went to buy stamps. The lady gave me Xmas stamps. I said “No, I don’t want these, I am Jewish.” She looked at me like I had decended from from Mars. “What, doesn’t EVERYONE celebrate ____mas?!?!?”
Next year I moved to Israel. Great!

Posted by rickismom on 25 December 2008 @ 12am

I found it odd that you parodied Christmas as Satanic/death oriented. To me it seems more like a sugar sweet, perfect world, warm-fuzzy-spend-money-till-you-gag kind of phenomenon. “You have to spend money to prove your love. The bigger the diamond, the happier she’ll be.” Ugh.

As a Christian who celebrates only the religious aspect of the holiday, I empathize with your frustration. I mostly ignore the whole gifts-cards-money-stress-obligations mess, because all I want is to sing carols, go to church, and read the Bible story.

I think the meaning of Christmas depends on the person. For many, Christmas is a non-religious tradition based on family and gifts. For others, it’s all about the birth of Christ. Some combine the two, some ignore the whole thing. Whatever works for you.

As for proselytization in the movies, it seems to be directed at being joyful and generous, not at any particular religious belief. I don’t see the problem there.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Winter Solstice, or just a fun day off work, to you all.

Posted by Kiwi the Geek on 25 December 2008 @ 12am

Derek, great post.

All you Christian Atheists who celebrate Christmas in a non-religious manner don’t understand that your situation differs from those of Jews who have no interest in (and are forbidden from) observing a holiday of foreign religions, whether in a religious way or not.

Bryan, I remember first hearing the song you reference in an episode of Moonlighting, not grasping it was a Christmas song and being confused about the reference to Israel, a reference that I didn’t know could be anything other than Jewish.

Jessamyn, great response to a previous comment.

Denise, I actually liked your comment, the ridiculousness of it making a couple of my points for me.

Those of you who insist that blindly wishing everyone a Merry Christmas is just good cheer and not religious do not understand that for many of us being wished a Merry Christmas is simply alienating, that the thoughtless assumption negates any attempt to connect personally, and that there are plenty of ways to reach out and plenty of opportunities to do so throughout the year.

Posted by Bialy on 25 December 2008 @ 1am

Great piece.

A possible solution is to immerse yourself more deeply into Chanukah. There’s an amazing amount of depth to the holiday which you can read about here.

Posted by Mark Frankel on 25 December 2008 @ 7am

I am a Christian who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but lives in a house with my family, who does. So I know exactly what you are talking about. My sister, who knows I dislike the pagan elements (including the day picked) much more than the idea of picking a day to celebrate Jesus’s birth, was showing me pictures of her train with prominent sacred pole in the center and expecting me to admire them. I have been told not to ruin Christmas for some little girls in the neighborhood. I just don’t want to be forced to lie.
I will say that it is only secular Christians and atheists who are saying it is a secular holiday. Religious Christians are either not celebrating it (due to syncretism) or trying to “put Christ back in Christmas”.
Also, some Christians do try to use Christmas for evangelism. E.g.: “How many people celebrate your birthday?” I find it personally annoying, since it isn’t his birthday. Also, ordinarily evangelists are trying to get people to join the minority of people who are religious Christians, that is, believe things that most people think are wrong. Arguing from the majority is kind of silly. Nevertheless, I have seen some people make that argument.

Posted by Channah on 25 December 2008 @ 8am

Nicely ranted. Christmas is obviously not secular, but it can be secular for you, if you want it that way. I’m an atheist, but I put up a tree and lights in the windows, and play mostly-secular Christmas songs — because it’s cheerful and fun and chases away the winter darkness.

I know a few Jewish couples who put up a Kitschmas tree, even, which I assume is done in the same context. But it sucks that you were made to feel like an outcast. Definitely not the spirit of the season.

Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Whatever. Wishing you a grisly-death-free New Year.

Posted by Tanya on 25 December 2008 @ 8am

I am happy Jewish kid from L.A. The whole Xmas thing does get to be oppressive at times. But for the most part I find ways to ignore it all. My favorite part of this time of year is getting to watch Ralphie beg his parents for his Red Ryder BB gun.

Posted by Jack on 25 December 2008 @ 10am

come to Modiin next year for Channuka.
see the city of the maccabees.
Allow your senses to be taken over by deep fried jelly donuts and the lights of the menorah.

Few things are as much of a tonic to the Jewish soul for the outsiderness of carols and trees and the insane commercialism of America in this season.

Posted by triLcat on 25 December 2008 @ 12pm

Derek, I like your piece, well written and I certainly get your point. I have a solution for you, don’t just come to Israel for the holidays like some have suggested above, move to Israel! This is our first year here and I’ve got to say that if it weren’t for posts like yours I wouldn’t have know it was Christmastime. Chanukah here is amazing, inspiring, enlightening! As it is all year long. I think your soul is trying to tell you something, will you listen?
Chanukah Sameach!

Posted by Tehillah on 25 December 2008 @ 10pm

You have really captured the essence of “otherness” that I (too) felt growing up as a traditional Jew in small-town USA — particularly during the holiday season!

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the lights, the music, and the general atmosphere of cheer.

I just found my role in the season exhausting — for every well-intentioned “Merry Xmas” tossed my way, I felt it my duty to smile and respond, “Happy Holidays.” I always hoped that my subtle reminder that not everyone celebrates the season in the same fashion wouldn’t fall on deaf ears. I suspect, however, that it did.

Derek: “Happy December.” :-)

Posted by zahava on 25 December 2008 @ 11pm

Thursday’s San Francsico Examiner proclaimed on the front page “The Examiner wishes all of our readers a merry Christmas!”

(my name links to a photo and there are closeups on each side)

I don’t know if they discussed the fact that not all of their readers celebrate Christmas or didn’t even think about it.

Posted by Steve Rhodes on 26 December 2008 @ 1am

A young Jewish toddler was shopping with his mom at the mall before Christmas. He was in awe of all the shiny decorations. His mom, attempting to help him understand the purpose of all the glitter, commented, “Well, you know, we won’t be decorating OUR house for Christmas.” The very wise 3 year old looked at her in amazement, “Of course not, Mommy; we’re not a store!”
Enough said….

Posted by Lois on 26 December 2008 @ 4pm

Ummmmm….let’s be logical.

Santa Claus has nothing to do with the Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus. If someone does not celebrate this birth, then they are celebrating Santa with all the fun brilliant consumerism trimmings.

Just as with other religions, C-tianity has those who are nominal believers and those who adhere strictly to scriptural ways of living (which would include never having Santa paraphanalia in the home).

Technically it is just a pagan feast day (as you noted) such as Easter that the “Holy” Roman Empire changed and then forced upon people as “Christian”. Why does that bother you? It should bother Christians more!

I doubt you have ever read the new testament, but Christmas is never mentioned as a holiday/feast day. They do mention that Jesus celebrated Chanukah, though!

Posted by E on 28 December 2008 @ 3pm

i wasn’t being flip. i have a lot of jewish friends and am inundated on flickr, twitter and facebook when jewish holy days occur. though i think god is a construct, i do love comparative religion and am interested in judaism.

Posted by denise on 29 December 2008 @ 12am

I know I’m late to this party, but here’s what I do.

Every year, around mid-September (depending on the year), I wish all my friends “Happy Holidays.” When they look at me funny, I say, “Well, there’s Rosh Hashanna (two days), Yom Kippur, then you sneeze and it’s Sukkot (eight days) and finally Simchat Torah, and …. oh, wait. You don’t celebrate those; I forgot. Well, you still have, uhm, Labor Day and Columbus Day, so at least your kids don’t feel left out.”

Posted by Philip on 2 January 2009 @ 6pm

I always enjoy your holiday rants :-)

Here’s mine:

Try being an Atheist. Any time of year. Everyone cringes when you say it. They look at you with horror (even if they’re non-religious, or self-proclaimed Agnostics). They try to argue with you, by poking around in you for any hint of spiritual though, and then smugly tell you that you can’t be an Atheist if you believe in anything spiritual (not so). Sometimes they’re so astounded that they insist that you can’t have a moral system if you’re an Atheist. They insist that you can’t KNOW that there is no god, so you can’t really be an Atheist.

But if you look up Atheism, here’s what you’ll find in Wikipedia:

“Atheism, as an explicit position, can be either the affirmation of the nonexistence of gods,[1] or the rejection of theism.[2] It is also[3] defined more broadly as an absence of belief in deities, or nontheism.[4]”

So there it is, folks. I very implicitly do not believe in any deities, none whatsoever. I’m not saying that I know for a fact that there aren’t any (because I don’t), but I don’t believe in them. So despite whatever spiritual beliefs I do have (and I do have some vague but important ones), by definition, I am an Atheist.

I just had this conversation with a good friend the other night. His wife was saying that there was a woman complaining in her online forum that “it’s so hard to be a Christian…” because everyone attacks her beliefs. I laughed and said “ha, if she thinks being a Christian is hard, try being an Atheist. Everyone hates you if you’re an Atheist, and they try to argue with you to prove that you’re not…” Guess what he did? He tried to argue with me that I wasn’t an Atheist.

And then, I performed my first (and hopefully last) act as an Evangelical Atheist, and I converted him to Atheism. OK, I didn’t actually do anything except bring up the subject, which lead him to start reading on the subject, and by the end of the conversation, he proclaimed “Oh my god, I think I’m an Atheist too!”

Anyhow, back to Christmas. Needless to say, Derek, Jews aren’t the only ones who hate Christmas. Next year, try pulling the Atheism card. I bet you can have fun with that one, too!

XOXO and happy wintery season to you.

I miss you guys!

Dawn

Posted by Dawn on 5 January 2009 @ 5pm