Illustration of Derek Powazek by Adam Ellis

Why I Blocked You on Twitter, A Compilation

I’ve been using Twitter since 2006, and thanks to their new archive feature, I was recently able to download all of my tweets. I’ve blocked a lot of people over the years – I love my Magic Button – and occasionally I’ll make a mental note of why I did it. Here’s the list so far.

  • Replying with “That’s what she said.”
  • Shotgun replies (like 10 in a row).
  • Being the pope.
  • Being Charlie Sheen.
  • Being my mom.
  • Pedantics. (IE, anyone who knows that should be “pedantism.”)
  • Asking me something you could have found in Google in two seconds.
  • Repeatedly replying to tweets with your URL.
  • Taking me too seriously.
  • Demanding that I take you too seriously.
  • Anything about Jesus.
  • Anything about Gangnam style.
  • “PLZ RETWEET!!!”
  • Replying with a URL and nothing else.
  • Mindless flag-waving “more patriotic than thou” bullshit.
  • Hitler jokes.
  • Making me explain the joke.
  • Supporting Prop 8 (AKA bigotry).
  • Bad taste in TV.
  • Bad taste in music.
  • Bad taste in men.
  • Apostrophe abuse.
  • Telling me not to be grumpy when I am obviously grumpy.
  • Becoming the mayor of anything that’s not a city.
  • Unironic use of “LOL.”
  • Starfucking.
  • Excessive punning.
  • “Get a hybrid.”
  • I was having a bad day.
  • You were having a bad day.

So if I ever blocked you on Twitter, it’s probably one of those things. Or maybe something entirely new. Remember, it’s not you, it’s me. I just think we should follow other people right now. I only want you to be happy.


SEE ALSO: Press the Magic Button! My “one strike” rule for Twitter/Flickr and why you shouldn’t be offended when someone blocks you.

AND: Twitter for Adults.

← Back to Home

Hi, I’m Derek. I used to make websites. Now I grow flowers and know things. I’m mostly harmless. More.