Illustration of Derek Powazek by Adam Ellis

Dear Stephen Colbert

Hey Steve. You know I love you. I really do. Your reports on the Daily Show have been fantastic. The Week in God? Brilliant. And your voices for Harvey Birdman are my favorite part of the show. Hah hah! “Part.”

But, Steve, lemme ask you a question. You know how sometimes, on Saturday Night Live, they do a sketch with some dumb joke that goes on way too long? So long that, by the end, the audience is only laughing because they think it’ll make them stop?

And you know how, sometimes, the SNL people mistake that laugher for actual laughter, so they make the same joke, again and again, show after show, until finally, they’re so deliriously misguided that they run out and make a movie? A full two hours of the same bad dumb joke?

And then, when the movie bombs, you know how everyone wonders, why did they ever make that piece of crap in the first place?

You know how that happens sometimes? You do? Oh, okay. Just wondering.

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Hi, I’m Derek. I used to make websites. Now I grow flowers and know things. I’m mostly harmless. More.