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{ personal log }

two months and counting

As of today, it's been two months since I smoked a cigarette. And the truth is, I miss it like you miss an old lover, when nostalgia and loneliness gently gloss over all the annoying things (smelling bad, coughing all the time, bronchitis), leaving only the good parts. Remember when it was just you and me? Remember the good times we had?


I still get the cravings, of course. After a good meal, in the middle of working hard, driving on the freeway (mnnn, driving and smoking), drinking, walking the dogs.

But I feel good about not smoking right now. It's nice to not smell, not cough, not need in that way. It's nice to have it be a choice, not a necessity.

I never call it "quitting" anymore, though. There will be a time, I'm sure, when I walk up to a counter and buy myself a pack. I just hope it's in another country, with a rail pass in my other hand, in the middle of a freedom binge, when tomorrow feels very far away.

I'll see you then, my old love. Until then.

{ 4:43pm }



» So tell me - as an addict who wants to stop - how did you manage?

Because I'd love to stop. I did before, and stayed away from them for 6 months. But the need in my mind is overwhelming, and I just can't beat it. I've stopped several times in the past year. I can deal with the headaches, the odd nasal sensations, my lungs hacking up the pollutants caused by the tobacco, but my brain needs to feel the sensation of inhaling the smoke, and feeling more relaxed.


tomcosgrave  { 1.17.02 @ 5:22pm }

» The first few days are rough. Then some random day on a Tuesday seven, eight months later will sneak up on you.

Fight the power!

eric rice  { 1.17.02 @ 9:58pm }

» go derek!

I packed in the tabs initially at the end of 1999, but kept smoking socially for another few months.

but now it's been something like 8 months or so since I had even a puff.

last time I took a drag it made me feel really ill.

the triumphant feeling of having beaten cigarettes is almost worth the damage they likely did to me in ten years of smoking.

you can do it!

clive  { 1.18.02 @ 2:58am }

» I quit smoking the year I lived in a basement with six and a half feet high stucco ceilings and fake wood panelling on the walls. I lived with two chain smokers and, to this day, I am still convinced that the combination of constant second-hand smoke and those horrible coughing noises in the morning are what helped me over the hump.

Despite what anyone else tells you, you will *always* miss smoking, no matter how long it's been.

I miss smoking after dinner.

I don't miss smoking first thing in the morning or before going to bed or smoking outside when it's -20 and snowing. I don't miss throwing my money at the vultures who run the cigarettes companies. I don't miss that crushing feeling in my lungs or the stuff that period ically rose up out of them. And despite the myth, I never even found smoking after sex to be anything special.

But I do miss smoking after dinner.

Aaron of Montreal  { 1.18.02 @ 4:35am }

» I don’t miss it at all, but I’ve become a second hand smoker. I just go to smoky bars now.

One of my friends says smoking is safe if you simply take the right attitude toward it. He says, “Cigarettes are my friends. And my friends wouldn’t hurt me.”

Davezilla  { 1.18.02 @ 5:13am }

» I saw in a film once (I think it was Dead Again) where Robin Williams' character gave some good (if not PC) advice.

"You're either a smoker or not. The trick is to find out which you are, and then stick with that."

I gave up for two years but the after dinner / long car journeys brought me back.

Mark Howells  { 1.18.02 @ 7:16am }

» I still miss smokign after dinner, and it's been almost 18 months. I actually quit in California when i was there for two weeks.

The hardest thing to was split the association of drinking and smoking. At a bar, or a rock show, and a jack and coke in one hand, and putting the other in my pocket so i didn't feel the need to "borrow" a smoke from a friend.

My sinus colds have gone from 4 or 5 a winter to maybe 1. forget the cancer issue, it's just easier all around. That and at $5 a pack in DC, I couldn't afford it much more.

Congrats Derek!

john athayde  { 1.18.02 @ 8:33am }

» These are the two things I did to stop smoking. I stared smoking pretzels, the big long straight ones. I hope to tell you, I was a pretzel smoking fool. Looking back on it now, I see how fortunate I was, having the ability to walk and chew at the same time and not faint, (sorry, couldn’t resist, hope no one knows what I mean). Then I made a fight out of it in my head. I lined-up five big guys, mean and ugly, the kind you hope you never meet. The first guy was the worst, and hell Derek; you have already beaten the snot out of him.

This is one of the hardest fights you can have, I wish you the very best, for the rewards here are enormous. Hope you have good back up.

– Ben  { 1.18.02 @ 8:35am }

» Re: Mark Howells

That was indeed Dead Again. The same movie that produced the following gems:

Andy Garcia: I'm trying to quit, so I started rolling my own cigarettes.
Emma Thompson: Did it work?
Andy Garcia: No, I just roll 'em faster.

And the etched-in-your-memory scene of the 'present day' aged Andy Garcia, post throat-cancer & subsequent tracheotomy, as he smokes a cigarette through the hole in his neck -- then offering Kenneth Branagh one.

Kenneth Branagh: I just quit.

Keep it up, Derek, your health loves you for it.

David Woods (LuxFX)  { 1.18.02 @ 8:51am }

» Yay Derek! Yes, miss it like you miss an old lover, but like an old lover who secretly wants to kill you for your money.

Kevin Fox  { 1.18.02 @ 9:02am }

» Yay Derek! Yes, miss it like you miss an old lover, but like an old lover who secretly wants to kill you for your money.

Yes Kevin, I know what you mean - and this lover will give you a hell of a good time while she's killing you :-)

tomcosgrave  { 1.18.02 @ 2:23pm }

» I haven't smoked a cigarette in almost a month. I am so proud of me. I know exactly how you feel - whenever I see someone on the street I secretly think "It's not fair! Why do theyyyyy get to smoke?"


I feel your pain, my man.

– elena  { 1.18.02 @ 8:06pm }

» Speaking as someone who grew up in a household of three smokers, I miss it not like a lover, but more like a wicked stepmother. ;) I never picked it up (probably a small miracle) but I fully felt firsthand how hard it was for my sisters to quit, especially my oldest sister; so I have great admiration for anyone else who's kicked it.

Noah  { 1.19.02 @ 6:16am }

» it's not a lover.

it's a guy who you went to school with, who's always been around, and who makes you laugh. you get on with him.

but he has a dark secret in him, and if he's around your place too long, one day he'll rob you blind and disappear.

where will you be then? eh?

best of luck to anyone still trying to kick it,

clive  { 1.19.02 @ 4:36pm }

» I kicked it too, big brother.....mid December. I feel your pain. But let me tell you something, when I am running on the treadmill, taking dance classes, or running up the stairs in my house, my lungs are so much happier!

Here's to being more healthy and living some extra years together.

Jenn  { 1.19.02 @ 5:11pm }


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