Illustration of Derek Powazek by Adam Ellis

NaBloPoMo Q&A 5: 10 Things About Spoo

Stefanie Noble asked:

Tell me anything and everything about Spoo. The onset of the pups over the years has caused a lack of updates on Spoo and plants named Fred (which is not to say that I don’t love any and all dog-related information as well).

It’s true, Spoo exists behind the scenes at Casa Chawazek. The pups are the gregarious story generators. Spoo is much more the evil overlord type. So, to honor her royal Spooness, here are 10 things you may not know about the feline that rules the roost.

spoo rules

  1. Her full name is Gelatinous Spooge, named for the gooey blob she becomes when blissed out.
  2. She was rescued from the Germans. Well, a German, anyway.
  3. We made the mistake of throwing out her favorite scratching post once. Our couch paid the price. Now we keep her in a full supply of cardboard scratchy boxes.
  4. If we buy her a toy, I can guarantee that she’ll like the package it came in more than the toy.
  5. Ownership of any paper that makes contact with the floor immediately transfers to Spoo. Such paper may only be picked up with her permission. Heather’s habit of reading the Sunday Times on the floor makes for an amusing battle of wills. This rule also applies to purses, backpacks, boxes, suitcases, and shoes.
  6. When Heather and I first got together, Spoo would wait behind corners and jump out to ambush her. Heather is easily frightened and tends to whoop when surprised. Hilarity ensued. Heather thought Spoo was after her, but I tried to assure her this was just normal new girlfriend hazing.
  7. When we first moved in together and Heather brought in the pups, I was terrified Spoo was going to eat them. She’s easily twice their size. Spoo, to her credit, merely studied them from afar like Jane Goodall for a few weeks. Ultimately she decided that they were either playthings we’d brought in to amuse her, or followers we’d brought in to serve her. Either way, we never came home to find them gutted and splayed across the living room, a scenario that often popped up in my nightmares, and one that I assure you she is fully capable of.
  8. There are power lines that hang just outside our office window, and a fire escape outside the living room window, and they’re often host to birds. One of these days, she will get them. One of these days.
  9. When Heather and I travel, the pups go to Jen and Jim’s, who are their best friends in the whole world, judging by how happily they disappear through the door. Spoo stays home, but our friend and neighbor Jill comes to hang out with her. Spoo loves Jill, and Jill loves our DirecTiVo, so it works out. (Aside to Heather: I didn’t give the Women’s Soccer League three thumbs up, I swear.)
  10. Spoo and I have been through a lot together: apartments, girlfriends, jobs, booms and busts. She’s seen me through breakups and breakdowns. We’ve been together longer than Heather and I, a fact that Spoo reminds Heather of on a daily basis. I hope we have many more years together yet.

Thanks for the question, Stefanie! Who else has one?

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Hi, I’m Derek. I used to make websites. Now I grow flowers and know things. I’m mostly harmless. More.