On
23 December 2008 tagged Fray
For the few of us actually online during the holidays, we’ve posted a few more stories from Fray issue 2: Geek.
Dig, Poop, and Roll
I discovered what may have been the banana peel on the slippery slope between animal lover and freaky fetishist.
Story by Rachel Fershleiser, Illustration by Scott Vanden Bosch
One Rail to Rule Them All
In the backyard of a suburban home in Fremont, California, is the Niles Monorail. It has one stop: the house of Kim Pedersen.
Interview by Derek Powazek, Illustration by Chris Bishop
The Doctor Is In
I could be at a quilting fair and inevitably I would be standing with my back pressed against some batting, discussing the finer points of someone’s sex life.
Story by Nikol Hasler, Photo by Kat Berger
Yeah, you should totally subscribe.
And if you’re in the mood for some holiday-related fare, enjoy these classic Fray stories.
Kathy’s Annual Ladies Luncheon
The funniest piece of mail I get arrives in the first week in December.
Story by Beth Lisick
The Tree
I couldn’t wait to see them brown and dry on the sidewalks. I was that way about Christmas.
That last one’s by yours truly. Some things never change.
On
23 December 2008 tagged Christmas, Judaism, Life
Consider the following thought experiment.
Imagine that suddenly everyone around you begins to act funny. First your coworkers start to ask you what you’ve got planned for the Dark Days. Then you notice that storefronts are putting up decorations of burgundy and black, 10 foot-tall spikes festooned with bones. When you walk into stores, they’re all playing the same strange songs.
“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we’ve no place to go, let it bleed from your head to your toes.”
When you buy your groceries, the person behind the counter says, “Hail Satan!” Total strangers on the street say it, too. And every one of them looks at you, waiting for you to say it back.
Then you realize that every house on your street is decorated with what looks like glowing entrails. Every window has that bony spike in the living room window. You go home and turn on the TV and every show has a Satan-themed episode. Characters spreading the festive entrails on the customary spike. All the special movies feature a sad non-believer who ultimately finds joy in the Dark Lord.
Distant family members, old friends, and your coworkers send you cards that say “Hail Satan” and “Praise the Dark Lord” and “Wishing You A Grisly Death in the New Year.” And then, towards the end of the month, people actually roam the streets, chanting in unison about their Great Dark Lord.
And then suddenly everything goes back to normal. The boney spikes are left on the sidewalks to be hauled away, all the magenta and black merchandise is put on sale, and no one talks about it for eleven months, when it all happens again.
This is what it’s like to not celebrate Christmas.
I grew up a middle class reformed Jewish kid in a southern California town of mostly Christians. Every December I was trotted out in front of the class to explain what a menorah was. And every time, it left me feeling more alienated.
So, yeah, I’ve got issues. Don’t we all.
I’ve had this conversation a million times before, so I know what you’re going to say.
- “Christmas is totally secular.”
Examine the root word. Christmas is a holiday for Christians who believe in Jesus Christ. Frankly, the only people who make this argument are Christians. Fish don’t know they’re wet, either.
- “The intent is good.”
Good intentions and a dollar won’t buy you a latté. You can have good intentions and still be insensitive. George Bush probably had great intentions for Iraq, and look what that got us.
- “Christmas is just a Pagan ritual blah blah blah.”
Yeah, I went to college, too. Guess what. We’re not pagans. It hardly matters where it’s from. It matters what it means today. Hint: It has to do with someone’s birthday. Nice kid. Daddy issues. Founded a religion.
All this Christmas-ness that carpet bombs our senses every December is totally overwhelming and alienating for those of us who do not celebrate the holiday. It’s no wonder people get so depressed in December. If you’re not celebrating, there must be something wrong with you.
Just look at the holiday movies. Scrooge doesn’t believe, he’s shown his own death, so he believes and becomes happy. Jimmy Stewart is sad, is visited by an angel, and then he’s happy. The Grinch is a grinch until he hears carolers, his heart grows, and he’s happy.
All of these stories are a form of proselytization. They’re metaphors for salvation through Christ, a cornerstone of Christian belief. The meta-message is clear: believe like we do or you’ll go to hell.
As a Jew, I’m as close to the majority in America as I’m going to get. Black people don’t get to hide in plain sight like I do. Gay people have others assume they’re straight every day. I’ve got this one month a year where everyone assumes something wrong about me. Boo hoo.
But every December it still pisses me off. And eventually I hit a breaking point and need to have a good rant. And here we are.
See you next year.
Hail Satan.
On
18 December 2008 tagged Fray
“Deliciously humorous and entertaining as well as educational, Fray sates the hunger for a good story.” – Utne Reader’s 2008 Altnerative Press Gift Guide
“The offbeat articles and engaging interviews will keep you amused and the original artwork is a great way to find a new sources of inspiration.” – Cool Hunting
“This is the future of the print magazine: once the profits have all migrated elsewhere, people will still publish on paper. But they’ll do it for their own damn reasons.” – Scott Rosenberg
(Okay that last one is a bit of a fudge because Scott is one of our fine contributors, but still, he’s a pretty sharp guy.)
Thanks, peeps! And yeah, you should totally subscribe.
On
16 December 2008 tagged Magazines
A quick story of magazine-making fun.
In 1992, the features editor of Autocar magazine decided to play a little joke. He rewrote the ledes of the stories in the year-end “Road Test Yearbook” so that the dropcaps spelled out a message for attentive readers, spread across many pages.
The message, with punctuation added, was: “So you think it’s really good, yeah? You should try making the bloody thing up. It’s a real pain in the arse.”
Unfortunately, one of the attentive readers was the editor’s boss. “When I arrived at work that morning,” said the culprit later, “everybody was looking at their shoes and I was summoned to the managing director of the company’s office. The thing had come out and nobody at work had spotted what I’d done. But all the readers had seen it and they’d written in thinking they’d won a prize or a car or something.”
The prankster editor was promptly fired. His name? James May, who is now one of the hosts of BBC’s brilliant car show, Top Gear. (More details on Wikipedia and photos on Flickr.)
